The Climate Change of Relationships

As our climate changes, storms get bigger, wildfires are more destructive, and even wind patterns become more unpredictable. These volatile wind patterns affect airplane travel by causing severe turbulence during flight. When relationships go unattended to – when we get into a routine that forgoes efforts to bolster healthy, secure connections – the climate of the relationship suffers, too. Relational “storms” (read: ruptures) transpire, and increase the turbulence of our partnerships. The chaos of “storms” and “fires” become more frequent and more intense, and often require more resources and a longer recovery time when left unattended.

When we regularly repair and take care of the environment – promote reforestation, limit greenhouse gases, build infrastructure to handle flooding, create codes that protect buildings during hurricanes – our environment can recover, build resilience and even come to thrive. The same goes for our relationships. Comments are not taken personally, and one can tap into compassion for one’s partner to give space lovingly.

This is similar to the analogy of healthy relationships and skyscrapers. Modern skyscrapers are constructed to be resilient to earthquakes. Their seismic dampening systems provide shock absorption and allow the building to sway without collapsing. Our relationships stay stronger and more stable when we foster secure attachment, which provides emotional shock absorption and cushion.

I help people in relationships develop these systems to resolve conflicts, soothe ruptures, and return to healthy foundations. This enables partners to better heal from the emotional ruptures and earthquakes that may occur and develop the enlivening, secure connections we need.